I once had a blog, of the same name actually. During these last few years I have found value in writing and feel that it is time to perhaps give the blog another go.

I am on a different journey, one that I knew was coming. I dreaded it then and I don’t care for it very much right now. Despite these feelings, I have to walk the road ahead. Sonny and I decided to be transparent during his battle with cancer. We hoped that even if we could encourage one person, it would be worth being open and vulnerable. So here I am going to share my journey as I continue this life without him. I plan to stop writing on the Caring Bridge site soon, after I publish the words our family had to share about their dad and son.

My heart is so heavy, it feels like an elephant on my chest. Getting a full breath feels near impossible. I keep sighing. Tears spring up from nowhere. I HATE the word widow. Hate it from the marrow of my bones.

BUT

I promised Sonny that I would be brave.

I promised Sonny that I would learn to look fear in the face and move on.

I promised Sonny that I would live.

So today I hope to take one tiny step. I hope to not take too many steps backward but even if (when) I do, I promise to try again.