I never copy and paste on Facebook but this week I had to.

ME TOO

It struck a deep deep cord within me and I knew I had to speak. I had to speak for women and girls everywhere who have been harmed by men that assume a place of power over their body. I had to speak up for the women who are afraid to because of  shame.  I had to speak for myself and say,  NO MORE!

I am totally blown away by the many women that have also posted these two simple words.

Me Too

I was a broken woman for so many years. Sonny married a woman who didn’t truly trust or know how to love. I believed it was my fault, if I had done x,y or z it wouldn’t have happened. I blamed my body, my own beautiful-created in GOD”S  image body. I blamed my actions, I lived with that for 30+ years.

It first happened when I was 11, a family ‘friend’. It continued into my teenage years and young adulthood, with other men. I will give it no other illumination except to say that it was hurtful, shameful and plain wrong.

I didn’t trust God. He hadn’t protected me so what kind of father was he? Not a very good one in my book.

This week in church the pastor started a series on prayer. He began with the Lord’s Prayer and the very first lines.

Our Father in Heaven, hallowed be Your Name

Two things he expanded on, I only talk about one of them.

Father. God is our Father. He talked about how our earthly father reflects who God is and can help or hinder our relationship with God. Mine was absent. The replacements were worse. I didn’t trust God at all, I believed He took good things away and that I would hurt always. There seemed to be no path to knowing or loving Him. I sought out love desperately and only through His protection ( I can see this clearly now) did I not end up in a terrible place in life. I hated myself in so many ways.

When I met my husband I saw something different in him and knew that he was true and steady. Poor guy never knew what hit him after we were married and all of those fears and traumas that I had suppressed came flooding out. I used to wake up with night terrors. He would hold me, pray over me and tell me I was safe. This is the damage that occurs when men assume power over a woman’s body. I feared his touch.  He was not perfect and was often frustrated with me. Once he told me that he didn’t know if I would ever be able to love, perhaps I was just too damaged. I remember crying….broken. I was broken. I didn’t want to be broken but I was.

I have struggled with my weight for as long as I can remember, recently losing a good amount and feeling better than I had in years. One day, after church, a man I hardly knew complemented me on my looks and weight loss and proceeded to hug me.   It unleashed a fury of emotions in me that I never knew were there. I felt like vomiting. This my friends is what trauma does to a person. His behavior was inappropriate  and Sonny and I were able to talk through it. He was there to remind me that I was safe and that no man had any right to take that away from me. I am sure that is one of the reasonsI was overweight. Fat hides your sexuality quite well thank you.

I cannot just leave this here, because my story was not and is not finished. God will not be less that what He is, which is LOVE. He was gentle and kind with me, He allowed me space. He slowly drew me to Himself. Nothing changed overnight, because trust is built over a lifetime. I had many years of distrust so it took many years to reveal Himself to me.

So I say to you -young or older woman, dear- beautiful- created- in- God’s -image- woman.

It is not your fault!

You did nothing wrong!

It is time for us to stop shaming women and hold these jackasses responsible for their behavior.  Stop blaming women for a man’s inability to control himself. Stop saying that if she had done or not done this or that, the assault wouldn’t have happened. Stop talking about how they dress. A short dress is NEVER an invitation to harass or touch someone. In Saudi Arabia, women cover everything, EVERYTHING and they are still molested, touched and raped. It is a few men who are the problem.  A woman’s body is a beautiful thing because it was created by God. in His own image!  My body has done amazing things: loved, birthed, fed,  worked, held, ran, walked, climbed, cried, laughed and worshiped. I am strong and braver that I ever knew. I am not at fault for what happened to me.

And best of all, despite the crap that I endured,

I am no longer broken.

Read that world,

It is true and real.

I am strong. I am God’s beloved. He has made me whole.

I am beautiful and so are you.

You are strong.

You are magnificent.

You are created in God’s image and in that is perfection.

 And NO ONE can take that away from me or from you.